To Be or Not to Be

I think that Shakespeare had it right when he wrote that infamous line "To Be or Not To Be".  That's how I have felt lately. I promised this blog to be fun but I feel that sometimes, to get to the fun, we have to go through the junk that is not so much fun to make room for the fun stuff.  See, that last sentence was already fun.  I typed fun 4 times in one sentence alone.  That's how much I like the word.

Here is the "To Be" question I have been struggling with lately:

Should I try to convince people that I truly, honestly love them when I say I love them, despite our differences?

That's a deep one, right?  Do you ever struggle with that?  Maybe it's just my personality of wanting to have everyone like me as much as I like them.  I know it's not a logical desire because it's not a requirement to life.  I don't recall signing a paper that said "you must like everyone or else".  I do feel, however, that I am required help and act lovingly towards someone, regardless of how well we get along.

I remember seeing this first hand as neighborly kindness took over Miami directly after hurricane Andrew in 1992.  Our city was ravaged by this monster storm that originally was aimed to hit northern Florida but veered at the last minute to everyone's surprise.  The streets where covered with shattered trees, houses and anything you could imagine (the most interesting one I saw and four stiff dead cows in the canal by our house).  There was no power, law enforcement and emergency services were maxed out and our governor did not declare a state of emergency for weeks, leaving us to fend for ourselves before the National Guard came to our rescue.  It was, needless to say, a complete disaster zone.

Just hours after the storm left us to our misery, a light glimmer of sunshine started to come out as neighbors, who most of the time didn't acknowledge each other, began to do what they knew had to be done.  Strangers took the responsibility of going to busy intersections and directing traffic.  They didn't have to.  They had families to take care of and properties to protect from further damage or looting.  They didn't have to but they did.  The hot August Florida sun beating down on them didn't stop them.  They took turns; strangers being a lifeline for others they did not know or maybe wouldn't normally associate with.  Water was hard to come by but clean water bottles were always being handed to these "unknown heroes" directing our traffic.

More of this was evident when night came.  Food would soon spoil if not eaten so BBQs lit up the night sky.  Strangers were invited into each others lives.  Food was shared, survival stories were told and the human spirit never shone brighter in those first hot summer nights.  I remember walking to the lake by my brother's house to get water for our toilet so we could flush it.  A woman was in her yard and began talking to us.  We never met her before, but she asked us to join their family for a BBQ.  They had meat they wanted to cook before it went bad.  She made no other requests other than for our company.  We had nothing in common, yet we sat with them, sharing our sorrow and joy at the same time.  To this day, I don't know who they are.  We never really talked much after that.  Everyone was too busy trying to figure out what was next: insurance claims, food, repairs (if you still had a house), defense against the endless looting.  I will, however, never forget them.

These are just two examples of how a community, full of different races, beliefs, cultures, and economic statuses came together briefly.  It was a time when we got a glimpse of what true fellowship is.  Doing for one another.  Helping those you would normally snub.  Loving with actions, despite of feelings.  It is what our souls were created for.

Of course, we humans tend to forget as fast as we learn.  It didn't take long for things to return to their normal "me, myself, and I" attitude.  As the power came back, National Guard came and things began to slowly rebuild, the sense of community and selfless acts of fellowship started to fade away.  Miami slowly drifted back to a city just like any other city.  People too busy to notice each other.  The coming together feeling faded and people separated themselves back into their own world, not wanting anything to do with anyone "different" from them and from their beliefs and convictions.

Now, I'm generalizing here.  There are many who have always loved and served and continue to do so.  There are those who have drastically changed how they view others because of this disaster.  I'm not saying that all good left once life was back to normal.  What I am saying is that as quickly as the hurricane destroyed our homes, life destroyed the overall feeling of community we felt as whole.

This happens everywhere and to everyone.  It's happened to me.  It's happened to you.  We forget. We get distracted.  We let it go because sometimes, the road is too hard and full of pain.  We might be rejected by those we want to share our lives with.

It's okay,  Get back up.  Try again.  You are who you are but they are who they are.  Accept the fact, and love.  I get stuck when I am rejected and my attempts at friendship are pushed away.  It hurts when I really want to be someone's friend because I find them interesting, fun and worth having in my life, yet they refuse to let me in because I am different or don't share in their point of views.  I guess I need to take my own advice.

To solve this "To Be or Not To Be" dilemma in my life, I must both Be and Not Be.  Here is what I mean:

BE:
who I am without apologies
loving towards others, even when I don't feel like it
honest
let my actions speak louder than my words and if they don't, don't use words to convince that they do

NOT BE:
one who has to have every single person like them
someone I am not
a conditional friend (see number one on the NOT BE list, which means being a friend without expecting anything in return, including friendship)

Sounds so simple but alas, I am human and struggle daily.  I need a reminder of those first weeks after the hurricane.  I need to remember that man, who looked mean and grumpy, but who stood at the busy intersection and directed my parents safely across the road.  I need to remember that woman who invited us to dinner.  I need to remember that business that opened up their doors and gave away all their food.  I need to remember all those donated items that flowed into the community.  I need to remember that National Guard who protected us, even though Miami smelled like rotting food and moisture, and probably would have preferred to be home with his family.

I need to remember.....and love...without expecting anything in return.